Sunday, January 24, 2010

I faced, when you left me, a rose in the rain.

I am walking down a lonely boulevard on my way back home. Not a soul is here, except me, myself and I – one of the many survivors in this ruthless world, I – one of those people who have realized that love is only a figment of fantasy, an effect of the rain. It is mysteriously silent over here. Clouds growl over my head, as if they are rebuking me for being so ruthlessly practical. The sky is dark. May be this darkness is a metaphor of the harsh reality. May be this darkness is symbolic of the hatred that I have nurtured in my mind about the so-called meta-physical feeling called ‘Love’. I love to hate love, may be because I had been its victim more than once, but did not give in to its destruction. However, somewhere deep down, I have this feeling that today’s thundering of the clouds is aimed at me, as a precursor to the retribution that is to follow.
A drop pinches my right cheek. I glide my finger through it. “A drop of water,” I tell myself. Another drop follows. My heart skips a beat. I look around. Everything seems to smile at me. “No, it’s not going to rain. There’s nothing so romantic about it,” the mind rebukes the heart, and I hurry to get back home. Quite unexpectedly, my feet have become heavy. I think I’m losing control over my legs.
A drop of water hits and rolls down my left cheek. Has someone touched me and vanished in the thin air? Another touches my eyelids and clings to it. I blink. It does not leave. “At last, there’s something which does not want to leave me,” I laugh at my own joke. Despite the poor joke, my heartbeat increases. The more the drops of water come down on me, the faster my heart beats. Some brush over my hair. Is it my imagination or has someone actually caressed my hair and run away? I look around. I try to see the invisible. I want to know if it is really my imagination or she’s actually playing hide-and-seek with me…
I look up towards the sky. A gust of wind brings more drops on my face. I close my eyes as a reflex. It hurts, and badly so, not physically though. I forget about the physical pain… what torments me the most is the ecstasy. My dry lips are ecstatic and helpless… ecstatic because they longed for a foreign touch and it really feels as if someone has moistened my lips with hers and helpless because I cannot touch her. It’s hurting…really hurting… even more than corporal or capital punishment. I spread out my hands. Has she held it? But why can’t I? “God, it’s hurting like hell,” I say and look up again…
The clouds growl, much louder this time, but in a different tone. They seem to have fun at my expense. They seem to mock at me. A person, who stays miles away from love, is now thirsting for love, craving for the woman he has fallen in love with – a woman he has never seen, a woman he has never spoken to, a woman he has never touched, a woman he cannot find anywhere.
Out of the zillions of water droplets rolling down my cheeks, I can distinguish two of them. My eyes are irritating. I don’t believe I’m in tears… What am I crying for? A lost love? Or a love never lost? Or a love that never happened? No idea! I look around. Rain has increased manifold, along with strong winds, that create ripples on water surface. It is misty everywhere. Yet in this mist, I see a shadow beckoning me. I want to reach out to her, but I can’t find my way out…
Hang on! Why is the shadow diminishing in size? Damn! She’s going away from me… hey you! Stop… stop right there… don’t leave me…. Please don’t go… I have pined for you all these years… even in the ruthless practical world, I craved for your touch, like the dried up flowers crave for rain… Wait… don’t go… stay right there… please… don’t go… hey… stop!


The shadow is no more. The girl of my heart is gone… perhaps we shall never meet again… Sigh! She’s gone…

Suddenly, I stumble upon something very delicate. It landed a few inches away from my feet. I picked it up – a rose – half-dead with a stamp of my shoe.

4 comments:

  1. brokn hrts are nevr heald n erth.they haunt us 4 a lyftym evn if we find som1 els...we learn a lesson.....not an adverse one...bt being more human.true & intense love nevr dies nor dims....perhps that's why we feel more pain as tym passes by....its just a 4 ler word CARE that defines all & meks all the difrnce....finally 2 finish.... "I DONT KNO WHY ALL CALL IT HERAT BREAK...IT SEEMS EYRY OTHR PART OF MY BODY, EVRY OTHR ASPECTS OF MY EMOTIONS ARE BROKEN APART!"

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  2. Replies
    1. Thanks a lot..!! felt nice when someone commented on a post which is almost 4 years old..!! :)

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